I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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