The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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