She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
