what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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