Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
