I'm laying in your front yard are you home
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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