TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
