I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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