....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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