im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
