That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
