i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
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He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm getting married
To pizza
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