Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
