You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
