To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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