No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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