I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
