I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
