Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
