You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I deserve this hangover.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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