alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My vagina just recognized that song.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
