I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
