I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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