quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize