so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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