I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
