So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
