He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
