thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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