I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
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Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
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He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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