i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
