Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
