what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
