Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
