you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
