2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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