Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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