So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
