Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
