So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize