wanna go halves on a baby?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
