OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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