Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
