Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
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Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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