we have pet lesbian snakes
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
