My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize