my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
MIDGETS
????
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
