Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
