..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
