gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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