I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
