is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
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