these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
