I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Randomize
