the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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