I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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